I was quite excited about the whole retraction of Wakefield's so called findings.
But as the day wore on and I read the comments springing up all over the internet I began to understand a fundamental truth.
Stupidity truly cannot be cured. Regardless of how many ways the wakefield - mccarthy - oprah - safeminds - ageofautism etc etc etc followers are shown that autism is in FACT a neurological difference not a disease, that vaccinations do not in FACT cause autism, that woo is in FACT woo....well regardless of any court case, science, logic, glaring truths these persons will insist on being right. They will not allow the smallest bits of information that do not coincide with their already firm beliefs to enter their narrow minds.
They simply will not.
I have seen this phenomena before. It is not restricted to conspiracies, pseudo science or autism in general. I am sure Kim can give us a proper label for it :), but it does seem that a great majority of people are unable to intake information that contradicts their beliefs.
So while I am still smiling gently over the long awaited retraction of the bogus wakefield study, I am not holding my breath that it will change much for the persons whom were already sucked in to believing the woo. I hope that the new comers to the fray will be less likely to fall into a woo-wagon in light of the recent retraction.
But I will no longer hold out in hopes that such wonderous events will cure the stupid that already exists.
Thursday
Tuesday
I am Autism, Autism Speaks Shows It's True Self
Warning! Bad language!!
If you haven't seen the video you are out of luck-I refuse to link to it.
That being said:
I come home from work the other day, no kids, no husband and figured I'd catch up on the online community. To my utter disgust I see that Autism Speaks has struck again with their atrocious video "I am autism". To my complete dismay I also note that this horrid video has already aired to the world, further muddying the waters of understanding and acceptance of those who are autistic.
I am, on one hand, somewhat impressed. The video is quite well done (several clips merge together to depict a wide variety of persons who are autistic). On the other hand,the music plays much like the blairwitch project, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. The voice over narrative is quite disturbing-the voice itself deliberately unpleasant.
But that isn't even what has me sitting here going "what the fuck!". It's the narrative itself. (copied and pasted from a variety of websites already adding their thoughts on this dramatic piece) Narrative in blue. My thoughts on this gross misrepresentation in black.
man: I am autism. I'm visible in your children, but if I can help it, I am invisible to you until it's too late.
Ok... Lets look at this rationally shall we? First of all, you cannot SEE autism. You can notice the stims and behaviours but far as I know autism does not come with visual identifiers. No special birthmark, no physical characteristics where one can say "all persons who look like ________ or have this __________feature are autistic. All persons without these are not autistic". So please, autsism squeaks, stfu if you are going to spread such bullsh*t. Secondly... Until it's too late? Too late for what? How is it too late? for that matter, are you saying that autism masks itself to prevent being destroyed? How unsuprising that autism pipsqueaks use such fear mongering in their opening. Beware!! Before it's too late!! whatever...
I know where you live, and guess what? I live there too. I hover around all of you.
Last I checked, lines like that are considered stalking. Are we implying that some autism gremlin or spirit hovers in the air watching us, and if we are not vigilant BAM!! swoops into our children and takes them over? Does this remind anyone else of Hitler's propaganda? Not even through the first paragraph and already this has the flavour of discrimination-encouraging others to hate and fear someone for their label. (By the way, in my oh so jaded opinion, trying to make is sound like a person who is autistic can be summed up with the label autistic as if that is the whole of them is beyond ignorant)
I know no color barrier, no religion, no morality, no currency. I speak your language fluently, and with every voice I take away, I acquire yet another language.
Wow! Notice how the concept of not recognizing race or religion as identifiers (which is one of the ways to look at being non discriminating) is now lumped with having no morality! Nice job there. And no currency? WHAT? WTF does that mean exactly?
As for the speaking my language fluently, you sure the hell do not. You, Autism Speaks, only speak in the language of fear mongering, misrepresentation and degredation. Not my language at all.
And of course, let us not ignore the implication that all autistics are non verbal. Unfortunately I agree in part-only because thanks to organizations such as AS the voices of those who ARE autistic are being overwhelmed by the voices of asinine beliefs, propaganda, proffiteers and politicians.
I work very quickly. I work faster than pediatric AIDS, cancer, and diabetes combined.
Oh nice, I suppose they stole that line from AoA. Isnt that where one goes if one wishes to read the fantasy of autism being compared to fatal diseases?
I am not big on ill wishing, but I truly think some of the persons who like to throw around these implications that Autism should be compared with aids, cancer etc should have to live through dealing with having their beloved ones suffer through such things.
Faster than pediatric aids? Nice fear imagery. Completely innacurate mind you, but A+ on the drama. This infuriates me. Not once in my child's 11 years have I EVER thought of comparing autism with cancer, aids, diabetes...
And if you are happily married, I will make sure that your marriage fails.
This is an incredibly stupid comment. Autism does not cause a marriage to fail. Neither does a child with autism cause a marriage to fail. Marriages fail when the persons in the marriage (the adult couple) can not work together. Period. Statistically LESS people with a child diagnosed with a disability end up divorced that persons with no children diagnosed with a disability. My marriage failed, but it was failing way before the little man was a concept. While the adults that tend to handle stress by becoming angry, accusatory etc may indeed find that their marriage does fall apart after finding out their child is autistic-it still is not the diagnosis or the child that wrecks the marriage. It is the adults in the relationship that trash said relationshiop. End of story.
Your money will fall into my hands, and I will bankrupt you for my own self-gain.
Finally some truth! If you decide to hand money over to organizations such as Autism pipsqueaks then yes! you most likely will be bankrupt! These organizations will encourage you to donate (only WE are doing the research that will SAVE your child!) to buy their products (the secrets to curing your child that your doctor wont tell you because we are full of shit!) go to their conferences and seminars (Because only through us can you cure your child!). If you fall for the "OMG your child is autistic??? Life is over!! Its TRAGIC, you have to WIN the FIGHT, be a WARRIOR MOM, GFCF, HBOT, LUPRON, CHELATION etc myths and scientifically proven UNSOUND nonsense (woo) then yup! You can expect to be financially devestated. (Not saying that the extra help does not cost way more than it should, or that insurance does not cover as much as it should, but the only people/organizations that are taking your money for self gain are the cons and quacks). My son has POPARD group, speech, social skills training, special help at school. So far mostly covered. Less expensive than putting him in hockey.
I don't sleep, so I make sure you don't either.
Never sleep huh. My son sleeps. So do I. Again beautiful work to be sure that ALL persons on the Autism Spectrum are lumped together as ALL having sleep disorders. I lost more sleep with my second child who was colicky than I did with little man.
I will make it virtually impossible for your family to easily attend a temple, a birthday party, a public park, without a struggle, without embarrassment, without pain.
FUCK you Autism Squeaks! It is impossible to have children and to not have them behave inappropriately at some time. While some children (be they autistic or ODD or a zillion other things) struggle more with public excursions, many autistic children are well able to go on such outings-when their needs are understood and accomodated. My own son needs to have warning (such as a schedule), an understanding of what the outing is about and what is expected of him, adequate snacks and water to last the outing and realistic expectations from the adults with him. I practice understanding the need for some stimming and he practices understanding that the stimming needs to appropriate for the location (no walking in circles in the parking lot please).
So what? A little bit of planning and understanding, oh noes!
You have no cure for me.
Duh, autism isnt a disease, or an illness. It is a neurological difference.
Your scientists don't have the resources, and I relish their desperation.
Sigh. Now autism also has feelings, goals and what not. What to personify!
Also, the scientific community lacks resources for much of the needed research for many things. But they are making progress at identifying the genetic implications-check out the autism science foundation for the long list of research etc.
Your neighbors are happier to pretend that I don't exist, of course, until it's their child.
My neighbours adore my son. He is honest, earnest and endearing. Mind you, if organizations such as Autism Pipsqueaks continues to misrepresent autism on such a gross scale, usimg their fear and hateful propaganda with public announcements such as this nasty video, I am sure people are going to want to run and hide! What a pile of crap.
I am autism. I have no interest in right or wrong.
This really offends me. This is the number one line on my hate list for this video. Excuse me?? Are they actually implying that being autistic means having no morals? My child thrives on rules. He gets the school's citizenship award every term, as he is not only understanding right vs wrong, but upholds his very strict moral code. So long as the rule is explained to him. (yes he does need to be given the information, from what the rule is to why it is). I know more adults who are nt than autistics that are morally decrepit.
I derive great pleasure out of your loneliness. I will fight to take away your hope. I will plot to rob you of your children and your dreams. I will make sure that every day you wake up, you will cry, wondering 'who will take care of my child after I die?' And the truth is, I am still winning, and you are scared, and you should be. I am autism. You ignored me. That was a mistake.
Again, beautiful dramatization implying that the evil spirit autism just thrives on fear, anguish etc. AS and AOA and SM all work very hard to take away our hope, to maintain a level of anxiety, fear and terror in parents whose children are diagnosed ASD-this is how they make their money. And wrap up the opening narritive with a threatening tone, awesome. (not)
Now this next part is great! Parents demonstrating their maturity by tossing some threats of their own at the evil spirit autism. They will not sleep! They will fight!!
What are they fighting ?? Autism! go go warrior parents! fight the label! Fight the diagnosis! Make your child feel unloved, unworthy, unvalued. GO GO!!
woman: And to autism, I say...
man: I am a father...
woman: A mother...
woman: A grandparent...
man: A brother...
woman: A sister...
man: We will spend every waking hour trying to weaken you.
woman: We don't need sleep, because we will not rest until you do.
woman: Family can be much stronger than autism ever anticipated, and we will not be intimidated by you...
woman: ...nor will the love and strength of my community.
man: I am a parent riding toward you, and you can push me off this horse time and time again, but I will get up, climb back on, and ride on with the message.
woman: Autism? You forget who we are. You forget who you are dealing with. You forget the spirit of mothers...
all: ...and daughters, and fathers, and sons...
(crosstalk: several people calling out "We are" and the names of different countries)
all: We are the United Nations.
man: We are coming together in all climates.
woman: We call on all faiths.
woman: We search with technology...
woman: ...and voodoo...
See? promised they would show their true colors! They are searching with voodoo!!
woman: ...prayer and...
man: ...herbs...
man: ...genetic studies...
woman: ...and a growing awareness you never anticipated.
man: We have had challenges, but we are the best when overcoming them.
woman: We speak the only language that matters:
all: Love for our children.
woman: Our capacity to love is greater than your capacity to overwhelm.
woman: Autism is naive.
woman: You are alone.
man: We are a community of warriors.
all: We have a voice.
woman: You think that because some of our children cannot speak, we cannot hear them. That is autism's weakness.
woman: You think that because my child lives behind a wall, I am afraid to knock it down with my bare hands.
man: You have not properly been introduced to this community...
all: ...of parents and grandparents, of siblings and friends and schoolteachers, therapists, pediatricians, and scientists.
woman: Autism, if you are not scared, you should be.
man: When you came for my child, you forgot:
When you came for my child?? wtf! I have to say the cadence is nice though. The monster vs the parents, and because we love our children we will fight the good fight. I get it, but it just so does not apply.
Autism is not a bogey man. It is a word that represents the neurological differences between a two groups of people. It loosely represents at that!
Autism is the label you fight for so that the services your child will need in order to reach their maximum potential will be available. It is just a word though. Your child is still there, still needing your love. He / she still has hopes, dreams, fears, worries, thoughts and feelings. Their behaviours may seem unexpected at times, but this is not evil! what the (stream of curses) are the A.squeaks people thinking?
all: You came for me.
woman: Autism: Are you listening?
If you haven't seen the video you are out of luck-I refuse to link to it.
That being said:
I come home from work the other day, no kids, no husband and figured I'd catch up on the online community. To my utter disgust I see that Autism Speaks has struck again with their atrocious video "I am autism". To my complete dismay I also note that this horrid video has already aired to the world, further muddying the waters of understanding and acceptance of those who are autistic.
I am, on one hand, somewhat impressed. The video is quite well done (several clips merge together to depict a wide variety of persons who are autistic). On the other hand,the music plays much like the blairwitch project, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. The voice over narrative is quite disturbing-the voice itself deliberately unpleasant.
But that isn't even what has me sitting here going "what the fuck!". It's the narrative itself. (copied and pasted from a variety of websites already adding their thoughts on this dramatic piece) Narrative in blue. My thoughts on this gross misrepresentation in black.
man: I am autism. I'm visible in your children, but if I can help it, I am invisible to you until it's too late.
Ok... Lets look at this rationally shall we? First of all, you cannot SEE autism. You can notice the stims and behaviours but far as I know autism does not come with visual identifiers. No special birthmark, no physical characteristics where one can say "all persons who look like ________ or have this __________feature are autistic. All persons without these are not autistic". So please, autsism squeaks, stfu if you are going to spread such bullsh*t. Secondly... Until it's too late? Too late for what? How is it too late? for that matter, are you saying that autism masks itself to prevent being destroyed? How unsuprising that autism pipsqueaks use such fear mongering in their opening. Beware!! Before it's too late!! whatever...
I know where you live, and guess what? I live there too. I hover around all of you.
Last I checked, lines like that are considered stalking. Are we implying that some autism gremlin or spirit hovers in the air watching us, and if we are not vigilant BAM!! swoops into our children and takes them over? Does this remind anyone else of Hitler's propaganda? Not even through the first paragraph and already this has the flavour of discrimination-encouraging others to hate and fear someone for their label. (By the way, in my oh so jaded opinion, trying to make is sound like a person who is autistic can be summed up with the label autistic as if that is the whole of them is beyond ignorant)
I know no color barrier, no religion, no morality, no currency. I speak your language fluently, and with every voice I take away, I acquire yet another language.
Wow! Notice how the concept of not recognizing race or religion as identifiers (which is one of the ways to look at being non discriminating) is now lumped with having no morality! Nice job there. And no currency? WHAT? WTF does that mean exactly?
As for the speaking my language fluently, you sure the hell do not. You, Autism Speaks, only speak in the language of fear mongering, misrepresentation and degredation. Not my language at all.
And of course, let us not ignore the implication that all autistics are non verbal. Unfortunately I agree in part-only because thanks to organizations such as AS the voices of those who ARE autistic are being overwhelmed by the voices of asinine beliefs, propaganda, proffiteers and politicians.
I work very quickly. I work faster than pediatric AIDS, cancer, and diabetes combined.
Oh nice, I suppose they stole that line from AoA. Isnt that where one goes if one wishes to read the fantasy of autism being compared to fatal diseases?
I am not big on ill wishing, but I truly think some of the persons who like to throw around these implications that Autism should be compared with aids, cancer etc should have to live through dealing with having their beloved ones suffer through such things.
Faster than pediatric aids? Nice fear imagery. Completely innacurate mind you, but A+ on the drama. This infuriates me. Not once in my child's 11 years have I EVER thought of comparing autism with cancer, aids, diabetes...
And if you are happily married, I will make sure that your marriage fails.
This is an incredibly stupid comment. Autism does not cause a marriage to fail. Neither does a child with autism cause a marriage to fail. Marriages fail when the persons in the marriage (the adult couple) can not work together. Period. Statistically LESS people with a child diagnosed with a disability end up divorced that persons with no children diagnosed with a disability. My marriage failed, but it was failing way before the little man was a concept. While the adults that tend to handle stress by becoming angry, accusatory etc may indeed find that their marriage does fall apart after finding out their child is autistic-it still is not the diagnosis or the child that wrecks the marriage. It is the adults in the relationship that trash said relationshiop. End of story.
Your money will fall into my hands, and I will bankrupt you for my own self-gain.
Finally some truth! If you decide to hand money over to organizations such as Autism pipsqueaks then yes! you most likely will be bankrupt! These organizations will encourage you to donate (only WE are doing the research that will SAVE your child!) to buy their products (the secrets to curing your child that your doctor wont tell you because we are full of shit!) go to their conferences and seminars (Because only through us can you cure your child!). If you fall for the "OMG your child is autistic??? Life is over!! Its TRAGIC, you have to WIN the FIGHT, be a WARRIOR MOM, GFCF, HBOT, LUPRON, CHELATION etc myths and scientifically proven UNSOUND nonsense (woo) then yup! You can expect to be financially devestated. (Not saying that the extra help does not cost way more than it should, or that insurance does not cover as much as it should, but the only people/organizations that are taking your money for self gain are the cons and quacks). My son has POPARD group, speech, social skills training, special help at school. So far mostly covered. Less expensive than putting him in hockey.
I don't sleep, so I make sure you don't either.
Never sleep huh. My son sleeps. So do I. Again beautiful work to be sure that ALL persons on the Autism Spectrum are lumped together as ALL having sleep disorders. I lost more sleep with my second child who was colicky than I did with little man.
I will make it virtually impossible for your family to easily attend a temple, a birthday party, a public park, without a struggle, without embarrassment, without pain.
FUCK you Autism Squeaks! It is impossible to have children and to not have them behave inappropriately at some time. While some children (be they autistic or ODD or a zillion other things) struggle more with public excursions, many autistic children are well able to go on such outings-when their needs are understood and accomodated. My own son needs to have warning (such as a schedule), an understanding of what the outing is about and what is expected of him, adequate snacks and water to last the outing and realistic expectations from the adults with him. I practice understanding the need for some stimming and he practices understanding that the stimming needs to appropriate for the location (no walking in circles in the parking lot please).
So what? A little bit of planning and understanding, oh noes!
You have no cure for me.
Duh, autism isnt a disease, or an illness. It is a neurological difference.
Your scientists don't have the resources, and I relish their desperation.
Sigh. Now autism also has feelings, goals and what not. What to personify!
Also, the scientific community lacks resources for much of the needed research for many things. But they are making progress at identifying the genetic implications-check out the autism science foundation for the long list of research etc.
Your neighbors are happier to pretend that I don't exist, of course, until it's their child.
My neighbours adore my son. He is honest, earnest and endearing. Mind you, if organizations such as Autism Pipsqueaks continues to misrepresent autism on such a gross scale, usimg their fear and hateful propaganda with public announcements such as this nasty video, I am sure people are going to want to run and hide! What a pile of crap.
I am autism. I have no interest in right or wrong.
This really offends me. This is the number one line on my hate list for this video. Excuse me?? Are they actually implying that being autistic means having no morals? My child thrives on rules. He gets the school's citizenship award every term, as he is not only understanding right vs wrong, but upholds his very strict moral code. So long as the rule is explained to him. (yes he does need to be given the information, from what the rule is to why it is). I know more adults who are nt than autistics that are morally decrepit.
I derive great pleasure out of your loneliness. I will fight to take away your hope. I will plot to rob you of your children and your dreams. I will make sure that every day you wake up, you will cry, wondering 'who will take care of my child after I die?' And the truth is, I am still winning, and you are scared, and you should be. I am autism. You ignored me. That was a mistake.
Again, beautiful dramatization implying that the evil spirit autism just thrives on fear, anguish etc. AS and AOA and SM all work very hard to take away our hope, to maintain a level of anxiety, fear and terror in parents whose children are diagnosed ASD-this is how they make their money. And wrap up the opening narritive with a threatening tone, awesome. (not)
Now this next part is great! Parents demonstrating their maturity by tossing some threats of their own at the evil spirit autism. They will not sleep! They will fight!!
What are they fighting ?? Autism! go go warrior parents! fight the label! Fight the diagnosis! Make your child feel unloved, unworthy, unvalued. GO GO!!
woman: And to autism, I say...
man: I am a father...
woman: A mother...
woman: A grandparent...
man: A brother...
woman: A sister...
man: We will spend every waking hour trying to weaken you.
woman: We don't need sleep, because we will not rest until you do.
woman: Family can be much stronger than autism ever anticipated, and we will not be intimidated by you...
woman: ...nor will the love and strength of my community.
man: I am a parent riding toward you, and you can push me off this horse time and time again, but I will get up, climb back on, and ride on with the message.
woman: Autism? You forget who we are. You forget who you are dealing with. You forget the spirit of mothers...
all: ...and daughters, and fathers, and sons...
(crosstalk: several people calling out "We are" and the names of different countries)
all: We are the United Nations.
man: We are coming together in all climates.
woman: We call on all faiths.
woman: We search with technology...
woman: ...and voodoo...
See? promised they would show their true colors! They are searching with voodoo!!
woman: ...prayer and...
man: ...herbs...
man: ...genetic studies...
woman: ...and a growing awareness you never anticipated.
man: We have had challenges, but we are the best when overcoming them.
woman: We speak the only language that matters:
all: Love for our children.
woman: Our capacity to love is greater than your capacity to overwhelm.
woman: Autism is naive.
woman: You are alone.
man: We are a community of warriors.
all: We have a voice.
woman: You think that because some of our children cannot speak, we cannot hear them. That is autism's weakness.
woman: You think that because my child lives behind a wall, I am afraid to knock it down with my bare hands.
man: You have not properly been introduced to this community...
all: ...of parents and grandparents, of siblings and friends and schoolteachers, therapists, pediatricians, and scientists.
woman: Autism, if you are not scared, you should be.
man: When you came for my child, you forgot:
When you came for my child?? wtf! I have to say the cadence is nice though. The monster vs the parents, and because we love our children we will fight the good fight. I get it, but it just so does not apply.
Autism is not a bogey man. It is a word that represents the neurological differences between a two groups of people. It loosely represents at that!
Autism is the label you fight for so that the services your child will need in order to reach their maximum potential will be available. It is just a word though. Your child is still there, still needing your love. He / she still has hopes, dreams, fears, worries, thoughts and feelings. Their behaviours may seem unexpected at times, but this is not evil! what the (stream of curses) are the A.squeaks people thinking?
all: You came for me.
woman: Autism: Are you listening?
Thursday
I am blaming the bunnies!
Summer is nearly over and I am not too sure where the time went, exactly.
My to-do list was not even touched. We never did get around to putting in the vegetable garden, or bringing in sand (for a base for our huge outdoor pool). My flower beds are sparse this year and the many woodworking projects remain incomplete.
I did not end up taking that three week course I had planned on, nor did we get to travel.
It's interesting, and sometimes frustrating, how life hands you little surprises to wreak havoc on even the best laid plans.
And really, it all started with the bunnies. We had not planned on bunnies. Nor had we planned on building a hutch for the bunnies. We most certainly had in no way planned on having baby bunnies.
Yet bunnies we have. Adorable bunnies that I have completely fallen in love with. Bunnies that have brought us so many giggles (watching the kids and hearing their conversations has been a hysterical daily event), many worries (Poor Trixie trying to give birth while Copper was trying to have his wicked way with her followed by 'Is Trixie feeding those babies?') and many profound moments.
As life around me went from my normal organized style to complete mayhem, as the family drama unfurled it's sails and docked on my doorstep-well, we still had the bunnies.
Watching my children interact and care for these fuzzy little creatures more than made up for the other nonsense. While watching the Little Man struggle to read the vast material he scrounged up at the library on bunnies did not take care of the court case I have pending concerning my infant nephew-it did serve to remind me of how much the Little Man has gained this year. He can read! And he is nurturing a group of small creatures with love and patience, demonstrating his newly learned life skills. And while the giggling over his sometimes innapropriate fact sharing on said bunnies did not give us back his funding (CLBC removed his funding because his IQ tested 'too high'), it did serve to remind me that some of his weaknesses are also his strengths.
I look at the space in our yard where the veggie garden was supposed to reside and I blame the bunnies! Who has time to frame in, roto-till and plant when one is cuddling a tiny playful bunny?
I look at the stack of birdfeeders, windchimes, potato bins and what not that I never finished building and I point my finger at the bunnies! Not my fault! I was building hutches and nesting boxes and bunny runs!
I look at the pile of paperwork on my desk and sigh. Don't be mad teacher. Maybe if I send a picture of the baby bunnies and my son's wonder filled face as he watched the mommy groom the little ones it will be ok.
Hopefully she has also experienced abduction by bunnies so that she understands.
Anyways,
I'm off to play with baby bunnies. Then I guess I have to finish some to-do lists.
hmmm, wonder if I can blame the bunnies for that bill I forgot to pay?
Hugs and laughter
Monday
Updating Links
There are some great websites out there! Here are a few of my favorites: (not all!)
Forum:
Raising Autism
Facts:
Canadian Autism Intervention Research Network
Autism Science Foundation
Science Rocks
Facts with Flair:
StopJenny
RespectfulInsolence
Blogs:
Countering Age Of Autism (Here you can follow rebuttals that AoA censored, and post your own)
Autism Herd
Autism Nostrum
A view from the boundaries
Surviving Motherhood
A touch of Alyricism
Gonzo
Confutata
Hating Autism Response
driving mad men crazy
Forum:
Raising Autism
Facts:
Canadian Autism Intervention Research Network
Autism Science Foundation
Science Rocks
Facts with Flair:
StopJenny
RespectfulInsolence
Blogs:
Countering Age Of Autism (Here you can follow rebuttals that AoA censored, and post your own)
Autism Herd
Autism Nostrum
A view from the boundaries
Surviving Motherhood
A touch of Alyricism
Gonzo
Confutata
Hating Autism Response
driving mad men crazy
Saturday
To all the 'my life is a tragedy cuz my child has autism' bloggers:
It is completely natural and human to vent. I've yet to meet someone that does not need, upon occasion, to say negative things. So why do I strongly disagree with parents of autistics blogging such negative posts about their parenting experience?
Time and a Place
There is a time and a place for all things. A public online blog is not the time, nor the place. Not to say that one should never make a negative comment online, or share the heartbreak and reach out to others-but in my opinion it is uncouth to post a purely negative exaggerated and dramatic look that is so completely one sided.
Venting online, where you are posting a one sided angry bitter rant about parenting your child is irresponsible and misleading. Parents who have just discovered their child has autism are searching the internet for answers.
This is what you want them to see? Blog after blog of 'my life is over, my child is dead, better if he/she had cancer!'? Where is the realism? Where is the honesty? As a parent yourself is this what you feel is supportive?
What about the public awareness aspect? As a parent we have the moral obligation to advocate for our children (be they autistic or not). How can you feel good blogging such an out of proportion look at parenting an autistic, knowing that you are spreading that poison-creating a stereotype that is incorrect, damaging and painful to the autistic persons in our societies?
The real tragedy is that people are so bombarded with these 'woe is me' anecdotes, blogs, articles, books, tv shows etc, that it has become to be believed as truth. Not just a truth, but THE TRUTH. People are buying into the big lie that autistics are less, that they are shadows, emotionless, unable to empathise, unable to learn, develop, nurture or in any way find happiness. And a Lie it certainly is.
Autism does not equal violence. It does not equal worthless. It is not worse than cancer nor is it equal to the halocaust. Being autistic does not mean a lack of emotion, empathy, or happiness. Raising an autistic is not a tragedy. It is parenting.
The Morals of Parenting
Regardless of what challenges your child faces, regardless of their disabilities or lack of such, diagnosis or lack of such, personality, shape, size, colour, etc-regardless there are some things that parents with morals do and do not do.
Moral parents do not abuse their children. Children, all children, depend on adults to protect them, support them and help them survive. Knowing this, moral parents do not abuse this dependance.
(Physical: inflicting physical harm on a child's body) Moral parents do not shake, choke, bite, kick, burn, shock, restrain, handle roughly or strike a child.
(Emotional: any act that can harm a child's sense of worth.) Moral parents do not isolate their child, intimidate, terrorize, threaten, shout, exploit and make unreasonable demands. They do not reject or humiliate their child.
(neglect: not giving the child what they need to develop) Moral parents do not neglect their child. Neglect is when a parent:
-does not make the child feel loved, wanted, safe and worthy
-does not take the child to a doctor or take personal care of themselves
-does not intervene when the child is at risk of harm
-does deny the child food, clothing, shelter when the parent is able finanically to provide such
-does deny their child an education
-does leave the child alone at home too often.
How is this attitude of 'my child is a tragedy' not abusive?
Will your child ever find out you said such things?
Of course they will. You make it public, they will find out. Perhaps they will read it themselves, be told by a family member-it matters not. They will learn that those words you 'vented' on your blog represents how you feel about them. Your friends, co-workers, NT children, family, neighbours will also hear about it. They will hear on the news, on TV and the radio, they will read about it online. How will you feel then, when your angry and bitter words are not just some online vent, but in front of all your aquaintances for judgement?
If you are very lucky, they won't find those very words. But they will find someone elses toxic post. They will wonder if you felt that way.
Pathetic is what it is, for a parent to be so focused on their own bitterness that they disregard the damage their words may cause. Spewing of such poison is abusive.
Moral parents love their child, unconditionally. They teach their child to cope with the world the way it is, while advocating on their child's behalf in hopes that the world will be a better place.
Moral parents learn about their child, their child's interests and strengths so that they can provide an envioronment that will maximize their child's potential.
Moral parents encourage their child to challenge his/herself so that they will strengthen their weaknesses.
Moral parents do not give up. They do not insist their child follows a certain path-but rather guide their child to make moral decisions, guide their child to learn and grow. Guide, not insist and force.
Parenting-the good and the bad
Reading all those angry blogs I started to think about what I personally have done differently with my youngest (who is autistic).
I changed diapers for a lot longer than I did for the older two and cleaned up more urine messes.
Is that tragic?
I sewed more for my youngest as the seams on cuffs of shirts and jackets drive him wild.
Is that tragic?
I had to pay more attention, to learn his body language and to read his facial expressions. (he did not talk till just before he started school).
Is that tragic?
I had to learn, in depth about the following subjects:
Trains, steam engines, bridges, rabbits, pokeman, yughio, electricity, generators, life cycle of plants, bees, lego, magnets, cartoon drawing, castles and medieval times, psychology in general, medical terms, cognition, autism, pragmatics, dsylexia, sign language, french, bug catching and keeping and all the facts of each bug discovered, environmental sciences, robotics, how to raise crickets, the specific details of reproduction, the specific details of the circulatory system and digestive system..... this list goes on.
Is learning tragic?
I had to be more aware of my language and what phrases triggered irritation from my child.
Is that tragic?
I have had more doctor appointments, therapists etc.
is that tragic?
The things I had already experienced from parenting my other children that are often touted as being an experience that only parents of autistics could understand:
-Cleaning up poo art. My oldest loved to decorate his crib. So I already had this covered.
-Fussy eating? HA! all my children are picky eaters, with not two of them following the same set of food dislikes and likes.
-Tempertantrums Yes, my youngest had more of them, but my oldest also threw fits. Lots of experience with this, plus I myself threw major temper tantrums as a child.
-running away and into danger. My oldest was on a halter till he was 5-he never would look where he went and would dart off at any time. My middle child also had to be watched. She closed her eyes when she ran. (try that for scary as hell for a mom). My youngest-well he and his sister are a year apart, so she tattled if he wandered. He also wore a halter.
-strangers making judgemenatl comments and looks. Hell yes, my oldest learned chinese when he was two and barely speaking english. He is so blonde his hair looked white. He was also very loud. And, what parent has not had someone be judgemental? long day running around, kids are fussing in line-pfft, happens with all kids. So my youngest does more obvious things. I simply don't care. I don't tend to explain either. (I do to my children, but not to the rude adult behind me that suggests they need punishment.
-conformity problems. Ummm, nope! All three of my children have issues conforming. None of my children were raised to follow blindly. All three have leadership qualities.
-Fighting the school system. I may have mentioned a few times that I have three children? I have been fighting the school system and it's insistance on conformity since my oldest hit grade three. Fighting at this level is new- now I fight for resources, accomodation, training for his teachers, social groups etc. With my oldest it was fighting for his right to use the bathroom when he needed (he still can't go 2 hours without a pee break), fighting for solid policies on bullying and violence (he would defend whoever was being bullied). With my daughter it was fighting for bullying programs and awareness (when she was being the bully, btw), fighting for resources to teach her more postiive leadership skills in a peer setting, advocating for more extra curricular programs that were not sports. (I live in hockey land), and fighting the school board on a resource that was innapropriate (a book premoting rascism and fear).
-health issues. My oldest is allergic to citrus. My middle child has seriasus? whatever is called when you ahve that flakey scalp. As a newborn she was colicky, her diaper rash was so bad we used cortozone cream. She needs glasses, and braces and can't eat beef or pork (makes her feel ill) My youngest has sinus issues, abnormal bowel movements, glasses and slurrs. So what? I have asthma, allergies, migraines and damage in my shoulder. Part of life.
So yes, I do have a problem with the crying and wailling and bitterness. As a parent you just have to suck it up, fight for resources, information and advocate for your children.
That's called responsibility.
That's called nurturing.
In my book, it's also called rewarding.
Hugs and Laughter
Time and a Place
There is a time and a place for all things. A public online blog is not the time, nor the place. Not to say that one should never make a negative comment online, or share the heartbreak and reach out to others-but in my opinion it is uncouth to post a purely negative exaggerated and dramatic look that is so completely one sided.
Venting online, where you are posting a one sided angry bitter rant about parenting your child is irresponsible and misleading. Parents who have just discovered their child has autism are searching the internet for answers.
This is what you want them to see? Blog after blog of 'my life is over, my child is dead, better if he/she had cancer!'? Where is the realism? Where is the honesty? As a parent yourself is this what you feel is supportive?
What about the public awareness aspect? As a parent we have the moral obligation to advocate for our children (be they autistic or not). How can you feel good blogging such an out of proportion look at parenting an autistic, knowing that you are spreading that poison-creating a stereotype that is incorrect, damaging and painful to the autistic persons in our societies?
The real tragedy is that people are so bombarded with these 'woe is me' anecdotes, blogs, articles, books, tv shows etc, that it has become to be believed as truth. Not just a truth, but THE TRUTH. People are buying into the big lie that autistics are less, that they are shadows, emotionless, unable to empathise, unable to learn, develop, nurture or in any way find happiness. And a Lie it certainly is.
Autism does not equal violence. It does not equal worthless. It is not worse than cancer nor is it equal to the halocaust. Being autistic does not mean a lack of emotion, empathy, or happiness. Raising an autistic is not a tragedy. It is parenting.
The Morals of Parenting
Regardless of what challenges your child faces, regardless of their disabilities or lack of such, diagnosis or lack of such, personality, shape, size, colour, etc-regardless there are some things that parents with morals do and do not do.
Moral parents do not abuse their children. Children, all children, depend on adults to protect them, support them and help them survive. Knowing this, moral parents do not abuse this dependance.
(Physical: inflicting physical harm on a child's body) Moral parents do not shake, choke, bite, kick, burn, shock, restrain, handle roughly or strike a child.
(Emotional: any act that can harm a child's sense of worth.) Moral parents do not isolate their child, intimidate, terrorize, threaten, shout, exploit and make unreasonable demands. They do not reject or humiliate their child.
(neglect: not giving the child what they need to develop) Moral parents do not neglect their child. Neglect is when a parent:
-does not make the child feel loved, wanted, safe and worthy
-does not take the child to a doctor or take personal care of themselves
-does not intervene when the child is at risk of harm
-does deny the child food, clothing, shelter when the parent is able finanically to provide such
-does deny their child an education
-does leave the child alone at home too often.
How is this attitude of 'my child is a tragedy' not abusive?
Will your child ever find out you said such things?
Of course they will. You make it public, they will find out. Perhaps they will read it themselves, be told by a family member-it matters not. They will learn that those words you 'vented' on your blog represents how you feel about them. Your friends, co-workers, NT children, family, neighbours will also hear about it. They will hear on the news, on TV and the radio, they will read about it online. How will you feel then, when your angry and bitter words are not just some online vent, but in front of all your aquaintances for judgement?
If you are very lucky, they won't find those very words. But they will find someone elses toxic post. They will wonder if you felt that way.
Pathetic is what it is, for a parent to be so focused on their own bitterness that they disregard the damage their words may cause. Spewing of such poison is abusive.
Moral parents love their child, unconditionally. They teach their child to cope with the world the way it is, while advocating on their child's behalf in hopes that the world will be a better place.
Moral parents learn about their child, their child's interests and strengths so that they can provide an envioronment that will maximize their child's potential.
Moral parents encourage their child to challenge his/herself so that they will strengthen their weaknesses.
Moral parents do not give up. They do not insist their child follows a certain path-but rather guide their child to make moral decisions, guide their child to learn and grow. Guide, not insist and force.
Parenting-the good and the bad
Reading all those angry blogs I started to think about what I personally have done differently with my youngest (who is autistic).
I changed diapers for a lot longer than I did for the older two and cleaned up more urine messes.
Is that tragic?
I sewed more for my youngest as the seams on cuffs of shirts and jackets drive him wild.
Is that tragic?
I had to pay more attention, to learn his body language and to read his facial expressions. (he did not talk till just before he started school).
Is that tragic?
I had to learn, in depth about the following subjects:
Trains, steam engines, bridges, rabbits, pokeman, yughio, electricity, generators, life cycle of plants, bees, lego, magnets, cartoon drawing, castles and medieval times, psychology in general, medical terms, cognition, autism, pragmatics, dsylexia, sign language, french, bug catching and keeping and all the facts of each bug discovered, environmental sciences, robotics, how to raise crickets, the specific details of reproduction, the specific details of the circulatory system and digestive system..... this list goes on.
Is learning tragic?
I had to be more aware of my language and what phrases triggered irritation from my child.
Is that tragic?
I have had more doctor appointments, therapists etc.
is that tragic?
The things I had already experienced from parenting my other children that are often touted as being an experience that only parents of autistics could understand:
-Cleaning up poo art. My oldest loved to decorate his crib. So I already had this covered.
-Fussy eating? HA! all my children are picky eaters, with not two of them following the same set of food dislikes and likes.
-Tempertantrums Yes, my youngest had more of them, but my oldest also threw fits. Lots of experience with this, plus I myself threw major temper tantrums as a child.
-running away and into danger. My oldest was on a halter till he was 5-he never would look where he went and would dart off at any time. My middle child also had to be watched. She closed her eyes when she ran. (try that for scary as hell for a mom). My youngest-well he and his sister are a year apart, so she tattled if he wandered. He also wore a halter.
-strangers making judgemenatl comments and looks. Hell yes, my oldest learned chinese when he was two and barely speaking english. He is so blonde his hair looked white. He was also very loud. And, what parent has not had someone be judgemental? long day running around, kids are fussing in line-pfft, happens with all kids. So my youngest does more obvious things. I simply don't care. I don't tend to explain either. (I do to my children, but not to the rude adult behind me that suggests they need punishment.
-conformity problems. Ummm, nope! All three of my children have issues conforming. None of my children were raised to follow blindly. All three have leadership qualities.
-Fighting the school system. I may have mentioned a few times that I have three children? I have been fighting the school system and it's insistance on conformity since my oldest hit grade three. Fighting at this level is new- now I fight for resources, accomodation, training for his teachers, social groups etc. With my oldest it was fighting for his right to use the bathroom when he needed (he still can't go 2 hours without a pee break), fighting for solid policies on bullying and violence (he would defend whoever was being bullied). With my daughter it was fighting for bullying programs and awareness (when she was being the bully, btw), fighting for resources to teach her more postiive leadership skills in a peer setting, advocating for more extra curricular programs that were not sports. (I live in hockey land), and fighting the school board on a resource that was innapropriate (a book premoting rascism and fear).
-health issues. My oldest is allergic to citrus. My middle child has seriasus? whatever is called when you ahve that flakey scalp. As a newborn she was colicky, her diaper rash was so bad we used cortozone cream. She needs glasses, and braces and can't eat beef or pork (makes her feel ill) My youngest has sinus issues, abnormal bowel movements, glasses and slurrs. So what? I have asthma, allergies, migraines and damage in my shoulder. Part of life.
So yes, I do have a problem with the crying and wailling and bitterness. As a parent you just have to suck it up, fight for resources, information and advocate for your children.
That's called responsibility.
That's called nurturing.
In my book, it's also called rewarding.
Hugs and Laughter
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