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Wednesday

Dating a Man with ASD...

There have been some changes in my home... My husband moved out in January.  We both knew the relationship had disintegrated over the last couple of years and it was time to move on.  Both of the children did very well through the change which was my first concern.

The end of May I ventured out into dating land and met a gentleman for coffee on a NonDate, because we were both determined that a friend to go for dinner with on occasion was EXACTLY what we wanted, not a relationship per se.

Not so Little Man and the Princess heard me accuse him of changing our coffee to a date (he had suggested dinner as well, due to the time frame) and they call him my Not A Boyfriend because of the ensuing mirth over my insistence that it was a NON Date.

Well, that was May.  NotABoyfriend has become a day to day part of my world and just moved in.  (Temporarily, he has to move around Christmas to take his next set of courses, and the future job market for him is elsewhere). He and I are still insisting rather stubbornly that this is a NonRelationship and that we are never ever changing this. (Let me stay self deluded please)

I have his permission to share some of his story here...
He is a self diagnosed autistic, and if you have raised a child like NotSoLittleMan you too would agree wholeheartedly with him.  Growing up he had no idea there was a reason for the struggles he faced... then four years ago his sister had a child, a lovely girl, who as it turns out is non verbal and autistic.  Learning about the disorder gave NotABoyfriend a whole new filter to see his youth and childhood in.  My heart hurts for him and all the others out there that struggle through childhood, on the spectrum and not knowing the reason for their struggles....

Dating a man on the spectrum is.... just like dating any other man, but different.  The same as in we talk, we cuddle, we laugh, we joke, we share interests... Different as he does have quirks.  His voice changes and he drops into professor mode on occasion, which is something I do as well so.. meh.  He is so very intent and focused when on task.  If that task happens to be spoiling me rotten, though (for one example), that is an amazing thing.  He is more comfortable talking about technical aspects than the ooey gooey emotional ones (so am I!).  He is incredibly honest and LIKES that I say what is on my mind and seem to lack filters... I could go on and on, but anyone who has been around a youth or adult with ASD knows that these 'quirks' are not really a big deal in teh grand scheme of things-once a person with ASD has learned to cope with the world and people in it its mostly all good, some great and some challenges... JUST like EVERY one ELSE. With bonsues I would not trade away... Honesty.  Saying what he means.  Meaning what he says.   No malice in him at all.

With NSLM being fourteen this year, meeting a bona-fide adult with ASD has been a blessing.  NotABoyfriend is a good man. 

So if you are raising a 'high functioning autistic' child, know that he or she will likely grow up, fall in love, have a career (or not) just like everyone else.  He or she may not do these things until their thirties or so, (just like some non asd persons) but really.... it all evens out.  All those challenges become valuable aspects of their personality. 

Hugs and Contented laughter

4 comments:

  1. :) Nice to know what's going on in your life and that things are good!

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  2. Thanks Kim and De Chao, Things are good!! Busy.. but good

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  3. Good for you. Enjoy the ride.

    Joe

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