Tuesday
Monday
NSLM and the Autism Button
So, in preparedness for my own little autism awareness plan (I am in college, so I got a HUGE button that says, 1 <3 someone with Autism and Someone with Autism <3s me!, figuring it might open a conversation or two, and it certainly did.) I have it clipped to my shirt, with pride.
When NSLM came upstairs to have his breakfast he, of course, didn't look up. He grabbed his cereal and his juice, and stumbled to the table.
He does not wake up gracefully, lol.
Halfway through his breakfast he glanced at me.
He stopped, staring, with his spoon suspended halfway to his mouth.
He seemed, for a moment, to be completely dumbfounded.
He did that tiny smirk that is all him, then continued to eat his cereal, smirking the whole time.
I pretended not to notice, as I have learned that patience can be very rewarding. :) I was guessing that he was startled to see his words on my button.
Finally, he slides his eyes sideways to mine for a moment, then says, "What makes you think I love you?"
Then he laughs. "Love you mom!" he sing songs.
Sigh.... I love my kids!
When NSLM came upstairs to have his breakfast he, of course, didn't look up. He grabbed his cereal and his juice, and stumbled to the table.
He does not wake up gracefully, lol.
Halfway through his breakfast he glanced at me.
He stopped, staring, with his spoon suspended halfway to his mouth.
He seemed, for a moment, to be completely dumbfounded.
He did that tiny smirk that is all him, then continued to eat his cereal, smirking the whole time.
I pretended not to notice, as I have learned that patience can be very rewarding. :) I was guessing that he was startled to see his words on my button.
Finally, he slides his eyes sideways to mine for a moment, then says, "What makes you think I love you?"
Then he laughs. "Love you mom!" he sing songs.
Sigh.... I love my kids!
Sunday
The fear of autism
I have a story to share, that I am not sure anyone aside from my family knows the details of.
Back in the day (heee! I've waited years to say that!), in 1990, I WAS one of those parents who were scared to vaccinate. I thought autism meant living in an institution, that vaccines, more so if given before the age of two, were dangerous-causing SIDS, autism, death, siezures etc.
I was pregnant with my oldest child when my mother started to take classes on herbology. I was still young, 19, and living with her.
I did vaccinate my oldest, but not until he was 2.
Then, in 1997, when my daughter was born, I fought bitterly with my then husband, over vaccinations. I had read this book my mother had given me, that detailed how in Japan vaccinations were not given until babies were over 2. This book (no clue now which woo book) stated that Japan's SIDS rate dropped to nearly zero after choosing this over two schedule. We went to talk to my mom's chiropractor, who assured us that there was little to no risk, providing I breast fed, if we chose not to vaccinate.
The next year, when my youngest was born, we still agreed to not vaccinate. By then there were many other books and news stories out that detailed how the MMR vaccine may be linked to autism.
When my youngest was less than a year old, I knew something was up. As the oldest of four children, and with three of my own, I had enough experience to know the general behaviours associated with the various ages of development, and my precious baby was not meeting any of those milestones.
He walked, but he had no babble. He rarely made noises, aside from crying. He pitched fits that we couldn't figure out the reason for. Fits that looked like siezures and went on for ridiculous amounts of time. He didn't seem to notice if I was in the room, never mind crying if I left. He did not respond to his name. He didn't play with toys, really, but instead would wander around the house shutting things (doors, cabinets, curtains) and hanging the teatowel on its hanger. If it wasn't for my daughter, Princess, he would have just happily wandered around closing cabinets or standing underneath the kitchen fan light.
At the age of two it was obvious that things were becoming more noticable. Feeling stupider than I have ever felt before or since, I arranged to have my children vaccinated. I have, many times since, felt nearly sick over the 'what could have happened' train of thought-that goodness my children did not catch any diseases. The cloak of guilt is heavy enough as it is-I am certain I NEVER would have forgiven myself had one of them become ill because of my fears.
Now, when NSLM first began to teach us what autism is, people in public areas would stare, tell me or him off, snub us, or act as if we were contagious. The teachers seemed to be uncertain as to what, exactly, to do with him.
For the first four years of NSLM's schooling, I sat in class with him. I had to-the teachers and 'aids' just wanted to argue with him or force him to participate, rather than to communicate his way or to learn WHY he was 'being difficult'.
It was a battle.
That is what I remember of dealing with people outside the home.
Now, I see my community responding. I see teachers with training. I see people in public, when NSLM has an 'autistic' outward behaviour, will ASK and do so with RESPECT and interest, rather than with fear and judgement.
As a side note concerning vaccination.... I am currently in college and just wrote a paper on Jenny McCarthy and vaccination. Vaccination rates have been climbing dramatically last year and more so this year. HURRAH! if anyone wants the resources for that info, let me know.
Back in the day (heee! I've waited years to say that!), in 1990, I WAS one of those parents who were scared to vaccinate. I thought autism meant living in an institution, that vaccines, more so if given before the age of two, were dangerous-causing SIDS, autism, death, siezures etc.
I was pregnant with my oldest child when my mother started to take classes on herbology. I was still young, 19, and living with her.
I did vaccinate my oldest, but not until he was 2.
Then, in 1997, when my daughter was born, I fought bitterly with my then husband, over vaccinations. I had read this book my mother had given me, that detailed how in Japan vaccinations were not given until babies were over 2. This book (no clue now which woo book) stated that Japan's SIDS rate dropped to nearly zero after choosing this over two schedule. We went to talk to my mom's chiropractor, who assured us that there was little to no risk, providing I breast fed, if we chose not to vaccinate.
The next year, when my youngest was born, we still agreed to not vaccinate. By then there were many other books and news stories out that detailed how the MMR vaccine may be linked to autism.
When my youngest was less than a year old, I knew something was up. As the oldest of four children, and with three of my own, I had enough experience to know the general behaviours associated with the various ages of development, and my precious baby was not meeting any of those milestones.
He walked, but he had no babble. He rarely made noises, aside from crying. He pitched fits that we couldn't figure out the reason for. Fits that looked like siezures and went on for ridiculous amounts of time. He didn't seem to notice if I was in the room, never mind crying if I left. He did not respond to his name. He didn't play with toys, really, but instead would wander around the house shutting things (doors, cabinets, curtains) and hanging the teatowel on its hanger. If it wasn't for my daughter, Princess, he would have just happily wandered around closing cabinets or standing underneath the kitchen fan light.
At the age of two it was obvious that things were becoming more noticable. Feeling stupider than I have ever felt before or since, I arranged to have my children vaccinated. I have, many times since, felt nearly sick over the 'what could have happened' train of thought-that goodness my children did not catch any diseases. The cloak of guilt is heavy enough as it is-I am certain I NEVER would have forgiven myself had one of them become ill because of my fears.
Now, when NSLM first began to teach us what autism is, people in public areas would stare, tell me or him off, snub us, or act as if we were contagious. The teachers seemed to be uncertain as to what, exactly, to do with him.
For the first four years of NSLM's schooling, I sat in class with him. I had to-the teachers and 'aids' just wanted to argue with him or force him to participate, rather than to communicate his way or to learn WHY he was 'being difficult'.
It was a battle.
That is what I remember of dealing with people outside the home.
Now, I see my community responding. I see teachers with training. I see people in public, when NSLM has an 'autistic' outward behaviour, will ASK and do so with RESPECT and interest, rather than with fear and judgement.
As a side note concerning vaccination.... I am currently in college and just wrote a paper on Jenny McCarthy and vaccination. Vaccination rates have been climbing dramatically last year and more so this year. HURRAH! if anyone wants the resources for that info, let me know.
Saturday
Autism-from my family to yours
Autism means something different to every individual on the spectrum, to every family of those individuals and to each support worker. I love the autism catchphrase, "If you've met one autistic persons, you've met one autistic person." I think we all need to remember this, not just for autism but for all those lovely "box words" that we use to classify people, because assumptions can be painful.
So, that being said, the following is from my family, about my family-not an outline of what every family that includes an autistic person is like. So here are bits and pieces of conversations we have had about autism:
Me: "So, what do you think is different for us, than for people without an autistic in the family?"
Husband, "Instead of hockey tournaments to drive to, we drive to speech, conferences about 'stuff'.| (Looks at NSLM), "I am glad to, because I hate hockey."
Princess "We have to have a poster in the shower"
NSLM "We say the word autism. HAHAHA. Yes, Mother. I am not sure what other families do for a life. Perhaps my joke is a joke that is not a joke."
Husband, "We eat dinner at the same time every day."
Me "Other families do that, I think, some anyways."
Hubby, "Ok, I didn't. Haha. Umm, signs to turn off lights, wash hands and so forth."
Me "HAHA! Wow, that just doesn't seem like a huge difference."
Me: "Ok, um, what do you find the most difficult part of interacting with NSLM is?"
(Silence)
Me "I find it hard to remember that half the time that you, (looking at NSLM), are sounding insolent that it is not intentional."
Princess, "Well, I don't like it, NSLM, when you don't pay attention to how you are dressed. People might think you are stinky if your hair looks greasy."
NSLM, "My hair is clean."
Princess "Ok, but you didn't brush it, so its all, bleh. And people that don't know you see that, and they like don't know you, so they kinda decide what you are like by how you look."
NSLM "That is not smart. But ok."
Princess "I just don't want you do get picked on."
NSLM "I don't want me to get picked on either! So brushing my hair will help this?"
Princess "Yes! It will."
NSLM "Ok"
(I will be watching to see if he will have more care with his hair now, this is a battle we have been having for some time-he hates to brush is hair, *sigh* teens....)
Hubby, "HA! He uses your words against you! If you say something to him, those exact words will be said later."
Me "And NSLM? Do you find it easier to talk to your friends in group than to us?"
NSLM "That answer would change."
Me "Can you tell us about that?"
NSLM "I have the less bit of work to talk to group. No person does tell me to 'Look! Face Me!' I can talk to a person behind me and it is ok. I can talk more here where it is that no one will bully (smirk), except Princess haha."
Me "Ok. Can anyone think of anything that came with the autism diagnosis that is interesting?"
Princess, "haha! Well, that sense of humour is certainly interesting. (grins)."
Me, "I find your (looking at NSLM) ability to visualize things fascinating. And then you build these amazing things! Wow! But, then, I do not know how much of that is part of autism, and truly (laughs) I don't care."
I will add what NSLM has to say about what he thinks about having autism, when he is ready to share.
So, anyways, I hope that this little conversation was as boring for you all as it was for me. :)
I am not trying to belittle the struggle that some have, or most have at certain times, with autism-but regardless of where your (or your loved one) is on the spectrum, there is so much that is fairly standard. We all sleep, eat and interact. With each child a parent has to teach in a manner that the child can learn, foster talents and help overcome weaknesses. With autism that means specialized people are available to help overcome those weaknesses.
Anyways, happy autism awareness day!
So, that being said, the following is from my family, about my family-not an outline of what every family that includes an autistic person is like. So here are bits and pieces of conversations we have had about autism:
Me: "So, what do you think is different for us, than for people without an autistic in the family?"
Husband, "Instead of hockey tournaments to drive to, we drive to speech, conferences about 'stuff'.| (Looks at NSLM), "I am glad to, because I hate hockey."
Princess "We have to have a poster in the shower"
NSLM "We say the word autism. HAHAHA. Yes, Mother. I am not sure what other families do for a life. Perhaps my joke is a joke that is not a joke."
Husband, "We eat dinner at the same time every day."
Me "Other families do that, I think, some anyways."
Hubby, "Ok, I didn't. Haha. Umm, signs to turn off lights, wash hands and so forth."
Me "HAHA! Wow, that just doesn't seem like a huge difference."
Me: "Ok, um, what do you find the most difficult part of interacting with NSLM is?"
(Silence)
Me "I find it hard to remember that half the time that you, (looking at NSLM), are sounding insolent that it is not intentional."
Princess, "Well, I don't like it, NSLM, when you don't pay attention to how you are dressed. People might think you are stinky if your hair looks greasy."
NSLM, "My hair is clean."
Princess "Ok, but you didn't brush it, so its all, bleh. And people that don't know you see that, and they like don't know you, so they kinda decide what you are like by how you look."
NSLM "That is not smart. But ok."
Princess "I just don't want you do get picked on."
NSLM "I don't want me to get picked on either! So brushing my hair will help this?"
Princess "Yes! It will."
NSLM "Ok"
(I will be watching to see if he will have more care with his hair now, this is a battle we have been having for some time-he hates to brush is hair, *sigh* teens....)
Hubby, "HA! He uses your words against you! If you say something to him, those exact words will be said later."
Me "And NSLM? Do you find it easier to talk to your friends in group than to us?"
NSLM "That answer would change."
Me "Can you tell us about that?"
NSLM "I have the less bit of work to talk to group. No person does tell me to 'Look! Face Me!' I can talk to a person behind me and it is ok. I can talk more here where it is that no one will bully (smirk), except Princess haha."
Me "Ok. Can anyone think of anything that came with the autism diagnosis that is interesting?"
Princess, "haha! Well, that sense of humour is certainly interesting. (grins)."
Me, "I find your (looking at NSLM) ability to visualize things fascinating. And then you build these amazing things! Wow! But, then, I do not know how much of that is part of autism, and truly (laughs) I don't care."
I will add what NSLM has to say about what he thinks about having autism, when he is ready to share.
So, anyways, I hope that this little conversation was as boring for you all as it was for me. :)
I am not trying to belittle the struggle that some have, or most have at certain times, with autism-but regardless of where your (or your loved one) is on the spectrum, there is so much that is fairly standard. We all sleep, eat and interact. With each child a parent has to teach in a manner that the child can learn, foster talents and help overcome weaknesses. With autism that means specialized people are available to help overcome those weaknesses.
Anyways, happy autism awareness day!
Friday
Hugging-it's the new stim!
NotSoLittleMan has grown and changed so much over the years that it sometimes startles me. I look at him now, chortling over some witty comment he made and I remember the days when he was unintentionally hilarious. Now, with the help of interventions (social group, behavior interventionists, social comics, social stories, practice, conversations and videos); experience (playdates, mingling with peers in school, sports, activities); and growth (several years have gone by, he has, of course, grown and developed); my NSLM is no longer the brutally blunt (funny), friendless, constantly stimming, socially inept, train obsessed kid he was in kindergarten (and grade one, and grade two and...)
NSLM is able to greet someone, ask how their day was, wait for an answer and respond appropriately. NSLM has made some new friends in middle school and has graduated from trains to YuGiOh to video games and internet-with the more recent obsessions being much more age appropriate even if they would be considered excessive in comparison to his peers.
NSLM has dealt with a bully successfully (albeit painfully), navigated a new and much larger school, learned to be somewhat flexible in his routines and can even cook a few simple meals.
And the old stim, particularly the circle pacing, has been replaced with hugging. It is a side hug, or behind hug, and I am usually the recipient, but I do notice that in the situations where he usually needs to pace that circle he is now hugging me instead.
I, of course, am loving it! But it leaves me wondering..... What is he doing at school? Cuz you can bet your favorite T Shirt that if he was randomly hugging people at school I would have heard about it!
All joking aside, I am, like every other parent out there, enjoying the growth, worrying about the hurdles and doing what I can to encourage him to be the best dude he can be. I thoroughly enjoy his more mature wit, ability to have a tongue in cheek answer for everything (although sometimes I struggle when he borders on insolent), He is an amazing kid!
NSLM is able to greet someone, ask how their day was, wait for an answer and respond appropriately. NSLM has made some new friends in middle school and has graduated from trains to YuGiOh to video games and internet-with the more recent obsessions being much more age appropriate even if they would be considered excessive in comparison to his peers.
NSLM has dealt with a bully successfully (albeit painfully), navigated a new and much larger school, learned to be somewhat flexible in his routines and can even cook a few simple meals.
And the old stim, particularly the circle pacing, has been replaced with hugging. It is a side hug, or behind hug, and I am usually the recipient, but I do notice that in the situations where he usually needs to pace that circle he is now hugging me instead.
I, of course, am loving it! But it leaves me wondering..... What is he doing at school? Cuz you can bet your favorite T Shirt that if he was randomly hugging people at school I would have heard about it!
All joking aside, I am, like every other parent out there, enjoying the growth, worrying about the hurdles and doing what I can to encourage him to be the best dude he can be. I thoroughly enjoy his more mature wit, ability to have a tongue in cheek answer for everything (although sometimes I struggle when he borders on insolent), He is an amazing kid!
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